On summer break my mom and dad were planning to go to Wild waves. They decide that we should go on Saturday. Me and my cousin John were so happy because he was coming with us. My cousin and I are like brother and sister because we like to do everything with each other. He is 13 years old.
Next, it is time to wake up it is 5:00 am. My cousin spent the night at our house .We already got our clothes and everything ready the night before. I went to my parent room to wake them up. I went over to my mom, and told her,” Mom wake up it’s almost time to get everything on the truck”. She woke up my dad, and she told me , go wake up your brother” I went and woke up my brother, and my cousin and me were putting everything on the truck . My parents and my brother were all ready ,and they all got on the truck .
Finally , it was time to leave , I only brought my I pod to not get bored . We didn’t get to eat anything , and everybody was starving . It took us like 3 hours to get there . It was kind of fun and boring on the way there. When we got there it was really sunny . The parking space cost 10.00 $ . After we parked , we went t get in line. It was a long line the entrance was 30.00$ each person. When we got inside , we all went t the bathroom to get changed. Then we went to buy a family locker , it was huge .Then we went to a huge rollercoaster . After we went to all of the rides , we went swimming. I t was still early and we went to a lot of rides.
Finally , it was time to leave. It was 6.00 pm .We got to our house around 9.00 pm . When we got home I told my mom, ‘Thanks for taking us to Wild waves ‘.She said , ‘ your welcome’. All of us went to sleep because we were so tired . We all had a fun day at Wild waves.
You wrote a great story. It made me feel like I went to Wild Waves with you. You write very well.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe how much it cost to go there, though. But since you had a great day, I'm sure it was worth every penny. ^_^
Love, Granny
I like the part where you use dialogue in waking your mother before the trip. It really lets me know that you are eager to be up and away! The dialogue at the end shows how you appreciated the trip, too, instead of just telling me, the reader, that you appreciated it. Showing is always much more interesting than telling in a piece of writing, so thanks for that!
ReplyDeleteYou use the word "went" a lot. Can you think of some words that would be more interesting? One example would be instead of saying "we went to get in line"' you could try "we raced to get in line". After all, you are probably pretty eager to get in after the long trip!