First, we turned on the fire then we put up our tents and our beds too. Then we ate we were all talking around the fire. When, we get tired we go to sleep in our tents.
Next when, we wake up in the morning we eat. All the children played, rode there bikes in the middle of the street. Then it went night again we sat around the fire every single day.
Then we wake up, and ate of course play too then we went to hiking. I saw a snake I yelled “Uncle Luis” he got my my hand and we ran together. All my cousins were in front, so when, we got back we ate marshmallows. We drew with chalks, and then it was going dark outside. We ate dinner, and we went to bed.
After, that in the morning we did what we do daily at camping. Our parents were playing a game out in the street all the kids were cracking up lighting. We ate dinner we chatted, and went to sleep.
Last, we packed up the sleeping stuff in the morning. We went to the lake for a swim. All the dads rent a peddling boat 3 unties got on it, and the boat went down into the water when we were done we gave back the boat. We ate, and packed pu then we left home again. “that was fun” everyone said.
It must have been really surprising when you saw the snake. I am glad you were there with your uncle! Keep on writing. I'm excited to read your next piece.
ReplyDeleteMs. L
Wow, I loved the great detail you have given about what your family did while camping. I really enjoyed the parts of your story that have dialog. These parts help it to sound not as much like a list of activities, and inject personality into it. Work on adding more dialog and connecting short sentences together. Good luck and great job.
ReplyDeleteWhat an exciting trip! So many things to do and so many things happened. Thank you for sharing all of them with me. ^_^
ReplyDeleteThere were rattlesnakes where I grew up. Once a friend and I came upon one, all coiled up and sitting in the sun. He started rattling his tail at us--warning us to keep away. We stood very still, then slowly backed away. Scary!!!
Keep on writing, you're doing very well at it.
Love, Granny