10 – Best Soccer Player in Oregon
My cousin is the best soccer player in Oregon. All he has to do is kick the ball and he’ll just make a goal.
One day he heard that there was a soccer game but they needed to make a lot of goals. He was really excited and signed up. The game was in two more days. He practiced all day. He drunk a whole gallon of water each day to get a lot of energy and strength.
Finally the ay has come. He was really excited. When they got out there was a lot of people there cheering for the team. Then they started playing and he made a goal and another and another one. Then it was only 1 minute left. He made one last goal. He won! Everyone cheered! He was so happy that he won! He was now the champion.
A nice exciting sports story. Great.
ReplyDeleteI noticed in the last paragraph you say, "Finally the ay has come..." which I think you mean 'the day has come' . I think you know how to spell day so I think what happened is that you didn't read the story again after you wrote it.
It is always a good idea to read the story after you write it to catch spelling errors (we all make them) and to find things that aren't really what you wanted to say or how you wanted to say it.
The story flows well and reads well. Good job. By the way I think you meant that "he drank a whole gallon". The past tense of drink is drank not drunk.
Hey! Your cousin really IS the best soccer player in Oregon. That is a great story. And you were very right to point out that your cousin didn't just sit around and SAY he was a good player, he practiced all day and drank water to stay hydrated so he could play well when the time came.
ReplyDeleteYour story made me feel excited for your cousin. ^_^
Love, Granny
Nice story #10, I really liked how you said he drank a gallon of water each day. You used a lot of details. :] ^-^
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you wrote about your brother because I noticed that a lot of people didn't write about there brother or sister!!1
ReplyDeletesincerely,
#4